Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tornado Warning

There were tornado warnings all over the NW Atlanta metro area tonight. In the 9 years I've lived in this house, none of those warnings have been for areas as close to my house as tonight.

While calmly getting dressed and moving my cell phone, wallet and keys to the innermost part of the house (I wasn't worried, but it's still good to be prepared), I had one thought going through my mind:

Wouldn't it be funny if the Bumpus family (not their real name, but it's a great name for people who need to live way out in BFE, not in a subdivision) lost their brand new deck in a tornado?

Of course, if it was that close, that would mean my new gutters, that I hung myself, would also likely go flying, but if they lost their deck it would be worth it.


  1. left you a gift on my blog. does blogspot have a PM function?

  2. You should run over there at the height of the storm, rip the deck down and claim it was the tornado.

  3. Sometimes I think you have a cruel streak, Steve.

    Your entry is also yet another reminder of how, for all that we complain about the weather in Britain, anything approaching ‘severe’ weather in the genuine meaning of the word does not occur. Bill Bryson, in his excellent book Notes From A Small Island, had a few pithy words to say on the subject. I am not joking when I say that, on the weather forecast, heavy rain merits a ‘severe weather warning’.

  4. Hehehe I loved that book, Simon :) Good read!

    Yeah, this deck flying business is all fun and games til Ms. Tornado hurls it into YOUR living room! ;)

  5. PT, heading that way shortly.

    Naut...damn, I like the way you think. I somehow think you and I could get into considerable legal trouble if we got together over a few pints and a couple of Sawzalls.

    Simon, I've read the book, and it is quite good. Bryson grew up in Iowa, which also gets tornadoes, so Britain's weather must've been amusing.

    Luna, tornadoes could ONLY be classified as feminine, cause they're a total bitch, and you know afterwards it's going to take off with your trailer and your car.

  6. Yeah, heard the warning sirens go off last night. Hearing them is always elicits a revisit of the insane decision to move into a house with a lot of amazingly tall pine trees in the yard.

  7. We had a tornado warning a few weeks ago and actually had a tornado touchdown within a half mile of our house. It is remarkable what kind of damage it did just by "skipping" through the area. It marked the first time I have ever heard Brandon say the "F" word and probably won't be the last.

  8. None yet this year, but they are on the way no doubt.

    Freak me out a little bit.

  9. Rhino, years ago I hired a company to cut 7 or 8 of them down. We should've paid a little more and had 1 or 2 others cut down, but we're slightly safer.

    Ian, that won't be the last time this year. Once he realizes he can say it without getting a fat lip, he's off to the races.

    KLM, Mother Nature wants to soften you up with some water first. A lot of water.

  10. Steve if we dragged in a couple of mates each and really hit the cans, I reckon we would probably wind up running some small African nation.

  11. So is that how Great Britain ended up with half the continent? Some wild British soccer hooligans decided to go on safari, and ended up with everything Egypt on down?

    Consider it a deal, mate.

  12. I notice in your preparations you gave sanctuary to your phone, wallet and keys.
    My God, man! What about the beer and whisky?
    Tell me it was a temporary lapse of reason.

  13. Explains the Hawks unleashing a hurricane of whoopass on Miami overnight.

    I presume the beer and spirits were already archived in a secure location. A man's not a camel, as Frenzal Rhomb observed.

  14. Therbs, a tornado is one of those unusual events where any attempt to save beer/whisky will be for naught. A tornado, to steal a line from a movie, is like the finger of God. The very angry finger of a very angry God, tapping the earth. If the Finger of God wants my beer fridge, the Finger of God can have my beer fridge.

    As long as he leaves the liquor store down the road unharmed.

    Yobbo, good Lord, they're still playing basketball? I haven't paid attention, what with the hockey playoffs having started.

  15. This explains why most people buy Ropers for their beer fridges and Whirlpools or Fridgedaires or something more costly for their regular indoor fridge.

    Good lord, the'yre still playing hockey? I kid, I kid. I knew that. I think the Stanley Cup playoffs are infinitely more palatable after the expansion of the league now that fewer than 86% of the teams make the playoffs.

    By the way, I could not name you five NHL hockey players with 100% certainty they are still playing in the league. Anyone I would guess, other than Joe Thornton and Sidney Crosby, would be guys who I know played a few years ago. I assume Brodeur still plays. What about Jagr? does he still play? I'm sure he still has the mullet, but does he play? How about Mike Modano? I think he is older than me, but probably not. Oh... and there was a guy who said other players dated his sloppy seconds. I don't know his name though.

  16. Jagr is now playing in Russia, undoubtedly because of the easy access to Russian strippers. He couldn't go back to the Czech Republic, because he's related to all the strippers there. SUCK IT JAGR!

    Brodeur became, officially, the greatest goalie that ever played the game this year. Statistically speaking.

    Modano was playing until his team was eliminated from playoff contention. He might be due for retirement.

    And the sloppy seconds guy is Sean Fucking Avery. 2 weeks ago, he hit the goalie in the head from behind. Last night, he sucker-punched a goalie. Dude has anger management issues, aside from being an unbelievable pussy.

  17. I think there is a guy named Tim Thomas too. I only know that because there is an NBA player named Tim Thomas.

  18. In the 80's there was a forward for the Calgary Flames named Hakkan Loob.

    I swear to God, on my father's grave, and in the name of all that's holy, I'm not making that name up.

  19. Didn't Satan used to play in the NHL?


    Of course, he pronounces it Sah-TAHN. It always bugged me that the Devils couldn't somehow try to sign him. Of course, it had more to do with the fact that he was good for about 30 goals per year, but his name would've been a good fit.

    And, he looks like how you'd expect Satan to look, complete with devilish goatee.

  21. i love tornados.. i miss them. i was always the kid they had to force inside to avoid being swept away.

    and you wouldn't necessarily lose your gutters.. tornados do some strange things - picking up one thing and leaving the one lying next to it alone.

  22. If a tornado is an "angry finger of God" would it be appropriate to equate a small town being destroyed by a tornado to receiving a "Godly fingerblast"?