This photo was taken by my new phone....ooops, sorry....my new Blackberry.
Yes, that's right. I said it. Blackberry.
(audience: Ooooooh. Ahhhhhh.)
In my next photo of this house, I will attempt to capture the ambiance of the two pit bulls wandering the yard, like East German Grenztruppen patrolling the Berlin Wall, except scarier.
Looks like a hastily taken pic - worried about being fired upon or having said pitbulls loosed on you?
ReplyDeleteThe owner of this house was in the driveway, warming up her car and smoking a cigarette.
ReplyDeleteAnd I should point out, the deck extends about 8 feet out from the overhang of that roof. If the deck was covered, then it would pass off as a decent porch, but it's not.
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously concerned that in summer, there will be a grill and a kiddy pool on it.
A) You have a crackberry? God, we will never escape you now.
ReplyDeleteB) Invest in some mace, my friend. Arm your girls. Chances are, being girls and not boys, they aren't as likely to try it out on each other.
One of my daughters stuck a Chicklet up her nose about 15 months ago just to see what would happen (a trip to the Children's Healthcare of Atlanta clinic, that's what would happen), so I'm not willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
ReplyDeleteI got maced by a buddy once. It sucked.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but clarify...was it her OWN nose, or her sister's?
ReplyDeleteI think it makes a difference.
And, don't you love your kids enough to give them Bubbalicious? I hear Jeffrey Dahmer's dad gave HIM Chiclets too.
You’re right. I would not class that as a veranda.
ReplyDeleteAnd I actually have a couple of photos of officers of the Bundesgrenzshutz – though obviously of the West German service. One is carrying submachine gun and the other is looking at me through a pair of binoculars from the hatch of an armoured car. I suspect your neighbours are scarier though.
By the way, I hope you realise you have now lost all you credibility with your Blackberry admission. If you believe you can take photographs with a fruit you are clearly in a worse state than we previously believed.
The weird thing is, I have no idea where she got the Chiclet. We don't eat Chiclets. Too small, and crappy bubbles.
ReplyDeleteAnd it was her own nose.
Kona, I once used a stun gun on myself. Just to see what would happen. I was in college, naturally. Did I ever tell that story?
I love how guys can mace one another and still refer to each other as "buddy."
ReplyDeleteSimon, clearly the one with the binoculars was wondering if you were carrying inexpensive Levi jeans. Germans LOVE a good deal on Levis.
ReplyDeleteLuna, we know it's nothing personal.
The place doesn't look too bad - but, I suppose that on really has to be there to appreciate the full impact of it.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping for a few confederate flags, some overalls blowing in the breeze and maybe a spitoon for their chewing tobacco. The pitbulls almost make up for it!
i maced myself once. ok, twice. i'm a clutz. the only person i'll probably ever shoot is myself.. although, i am a damn good shot, if i do say so myself.
ReplyDeleteit looks like they built a giant playpen around the house. having a homeowner's association really wasn't all that bad, now that i see the alternative..
Imortant information = how far up did she shove the chicklet because if she got it stuck that's commitment. Your daughter is now cool shit in my book.
ReplyDeleteIs that a pair of banjos leaning up against the wall?
ReplyDeleteYou don't live next to this guy, do you?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fds_hupE2vQ
I don't envy you the neighboring redneck horde. Good luck.
Needs a couple o' rocking chairs and a dilapidated still for the correct decorative effect. And a lot more busted-arse '70s shitboxes parked out the front. Strayan equivalent thus.
ReplyDeleteAnd Simon, to your point about the veranda, nobody will ever look at this deck and say, "let's make love on the veranda." It'll be more like, "I just banged that chick out on the deck I tell you what, WOOOOO!"
ReplyDeleteLermontov, I'll get you a picture of businesses with Confederate flags, if that's what you want. The Union Army marched right over where my house is on the way to sacking Atlanta, so the war is still fresh in everyone's mind.
Snow, Homeowner's Associations are not that bad. Not that bad at all.
Indy, she stuck it in kind of far. Inhaling kind of did the rest. A doctor's visit was necessary.
Naut, right now it's nothing but chairs, but banjos and mortar tubes for illegal fireworks are likely in the works.
YD, I'll have to check that video out. I'm sure they don't live far from me.
Yobbo, that yard looks like a number of neighborhoods throughout the US, especially on the outskirts of Memphis and Little Rock. I love how there's always a bunch of shit cars, and then a luxury car like a Jag or a Benz, but with "modifications." The US and Straya really are closely related.
^ LoL at your reply to Dr Y. You need to see 'The Castle'. Srsly.
ReplyDeleteIs it anything like the BBC's "Keeping Up Appearances"?
ReplyDeleteHonestly Steve..you're standards are high.
ReplyDeleteNat...picture this.....5:30PM, I'm driving home. This is a corner house. There are FIVE cars parked in front, and they stretch from the stop sign (so that the street effectively becomes a 1-laner, which makes it exciting when two cars are coming from opposite directions). This front deck has about 5 people on it, all smoking, and their collective weight would make most freight elevators groan in agony.
ReplyDeleteThey have a portable basketball goal by the curb, so that kids can shoot hoops....in the street, of course.
The front lawn has a skateboard/bicycle jump.
Now, imagine if you spent 4 months renovating a house, and to sell it, prospective buyers had to drive past Bogan Central!
It is nothing like the adventures of Mrs Bucket - thank God!
ReplyDeleteIt is gold - and it has the quintessential (sp) Aussie bogan family as its stars. Really funny. Even down to the cars in the front yard.
If you can't find a torrent for it, let me know and I'll find a copy. You can not stalk all Australia and not see this!
In fairness, I'm only stalking the women (those that wouldn't touch you, that is) and the beer.
ReplyDeleteYeah nothing like Mrs Bucket, more like Kath and Kim (the Strayan version not that Godawful US version - though the Strayan version is pretty eye-clawingly putrid itself.) The thing about the Castle is that it takes the piss out of western suburbs bogans, but it's done in a fairly affectionate way. The guys who made it had a reputation for being cutting edge comics and satirists and that was pretty much the zenith of their career - they got fat and lazy and self-satisfied after that (had a bleat about it on the WoB)
ReplyDeleteOK, so it's more like "My Name is Earl." Everyone in the show is a white-trash mullet-head (Bogan, as you'd call it). But, as you said, it's done in an endearing manner. There's even a character called "The Daytime Prostitute."
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as the Buckets, I figured it was how they really weren't THAT high-class, and of course Hyacinth's sister and BIL were much much much less so. My mom loved that show, probably because she is Hyacinth Bucket (which is why I don't mind living 800 miles from her).
As for Kath & Kim, I've been wondering what was so good about it that we had to import it. We rarely do a good job with imports, The Office being the exception, but it's produced by the same guys (Coupling was a disaster....one of the best comedies I've ever seen, and we rat-fucked it).
at least the chicklet happened when she was little... I may have tried to see if I could fit a peanut M&M in my shnoze... thank god I'm dating a doctor!
ReplyDelete*Taps foot impatiently*
ReplyDeleteSo, did it fit?
Bugger. This is what happens when I forget to check back on comments I’d left earlier.
ReplyDeleteI shall just say that the reference to banjos reminded me that, in my ‘Lermontov’ entry, I had originally ended it ‘I shall pray for his Deliverance.’ However I thought that only those from Georgia might pick up the allusion, and dropped it.
Actually, Simon, those from the Carolinas would've gotten it. In Georgia, if you say "Squeal like a pig, Hog Boy," we cringe in mock agony. In North or South Carolina, they get aroused.
ReplyDelete