Thursday, May 20, 2010

Real Life TFLN

I got this text message from my brother earlier today. I'm debating whether or not to submit it to TFLN.

"Woke up this morning with, what I think to be, a booger in my ear. D (his wife) claims that once I flicked a booger on her in my sleep. Do you have similar sleep issues?"

I could only reply with, "No. No I do not."

Even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't admit it. The biggest sleep issue I had was when I was a kid and talked in my sleep. Apparently my dad once peeked in on me thrashing about in my bad, and I was saying, "No! No! Bi....Bionic....Bionic Bigfooo......" Thankfully I haven't talked in my sleep in years, I can't imagine the kind of crap I'd say. Probably "you call that a tackle?" and "Dammit, if you don't shoot, you won't score!" Or worse.

Bon Jovi lyrics.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Karma Got Me Back

Tonight, shortly before dinner, Thing 1 was playing with her Nintendo DS on the sofa. She was so engrossed in her game that I couldn’t let the opportunity pass, so as I walked behind the sofa on the way to the garage, I licked my finger and gave her a Wet Willy (in the event you’re not familiar, it’s the act of licking a finger and sticking it in someone’s ear). She was mildly annoyed, but not enough to stop her game.

On the way back to the kitchen, I walked by the same sofa, and this time, I made a very exaggerated motion of licking my finger to do it again, which she saw and heard. As I came in with my finger, she knocked it away.

I continued on to the kitchen when I realized I hadn’t stopped to give her a hug and kiss upon coming home from work. So, I walked back to the sofa and leaned over the back of it to kiss her on the cheek. Thinking she was about to be Wet Willied again, she closed her hand into a fist and swung at me, basically bitch slapping me, connecting the back of her closed fist with the right side of my face.

She was worried for a second, and while it stung, I knew it was my own fault and gave her a hug regardless, having a laugh about it. Lesson learned by me: There’s only so many times I can push that button before paying the price. I think she stands a good chance of surviving middle school next year.