Thursday, April 9, 2009

They'll Give Drivers' Licenses to Anyone

Yesterday, as I was driving home, I drove past an Aldi grocery store, and I saw the oddest thing: A minivan was stuck on one of those islands you find in parking lots....a cement oval-shaped curb, with grass and a small tree growing there, often placed for decoration in the middle of an otherwise barren sea of asphalt. The driver must have parked next to it, and upon leaving the store, made a hard right turn to head to the exit, not seeing the island there. He went up it, and when the front wheels cleared the far side of the island, as they came back down to the parking lot surface, the bottom of the van got hung up on the island, suspending his front wheels in the air, and his rear wheels still on the parking lot.

Unfortunately, this not-very-forward-thinking-man didn't realize how bad it is when you drive a front-wheel-drive vehicle, and your front wheels are not touching any surface whatsoever. When he felt his van go over the curb, he must've figured, "Hell, I'm halfway there, may as well go all the way," and instead of reversing, he kept going. Of course, once he got hung up, the only way he's moving is if a tow truck helps him the rest of the way.

The amusing this is when I was driving by this Aldi, he was standing in front of his van, scratching his head (probably thinking, "how in the hell can I move this without paying for a $50 tow?), and he then leaned forward, put both of his hands on the bumper, and started pushing. This vehicle weighs probably around 3000 pounds. He's not moving it if the weight of the vehicle is resting on the curb. But I applaud his effort.


  1. I flipped my car on its side once
    After I climbed out, I tried to push the car to right it
    I couldn't

    My little brother came to help me
    He was able to push it on its side

    The one and only benefit of Michigan football
    My brother is a machine

  2. Sounds like a guy I'd be prone to marry.


  3. Liz, your brother is obviously strong, but is it safe to say he's a pussy in every other aspect of life? I'm only assuming this, since he is a product of Michigan football.

    Luna, with a life like that, you'd probably be spending a lot of time in parking lots, wondering how the hell to get yourself out of a jam.

  4. You really must learn to carry a camera with you.

    Naturally I imagined myself in his place – I can imagine doing something that stupid. I guess his best bet if he’s not using any outside help is to try to jam something like planks under the front wheels, though I don’t envy him.

  5. There's probably a way he could have got the thing off the island, if he hadn't been a congenital arsewit. Then again being a congenital arsewit was presumably how he got in that situation in the first place. There was a competition run by the UK Royal society of Chemistry to solve the ending of the original Italian job - bus teetering over a cliff edge, gold up one end, Michael Caine declaring he had a plan, cut to credits. Legendary Brit motoring show Top Gear were going to have a go at reenacting it but their beancounters nixed it. Should have done small scale field trials with your idiot mate in the Aldi carpark.

  6. Bet he's glad he shopped at Aldi instead of Safeway and saved hisself $3.25 towards the cost of the tow.

  7. The Publix and Kroger stores down the road don't have those islands, except near the handicapped parking, so he would've been much better off.

    Simon and Yobbo, I'm sure the ancient Egyptians and Babylonians (and, for that matter, the alien Celts that built Stonehenge) would've gotten him off in seconds. "We'll get a lever and a pulley right over." Well, in Celtish, it would've been, "LLewellllynyyeewnnnyneynnyllewenn, och aye."

  8. Too bad his obese wife and/or mother-in-law wasn't there to sit on the hood!

  9. I hope that you executed hm on the spot!

    I saw the perfect number plate for you the other day - don't worry, I'll save it for a post!