Thursday, September 23, 2010

Here's Your Sign.

Seen on Hilton Head (at a chotchkie shop selling novelty shot glasses, fridge magnets, mugs, and t-shirts), photographed with my crappy Blackberry phone.

On one shelf, commemorative Hilton Head baby onesies.

On the shelf just above, Zodiac-themed coffee mugs, but instead of pictures of the Zodiac signs, they have images of 12 couples doing 12 of what are probably my favorite sex positions.

So basically, the sex-themed mugs, and clothing for the byproduct of the sex.

I see no issue with the products, but putting them in the same aisle seems odd.

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Future In Chicago Politics

Thing 2 is now in Kindergarten, and with that comes an fund raisers. In the past, the first two weeks of school meant the arrival of Sally Foster catalogs, which then involved Thing 1 calling every aunt, uncle, grandparent, close friend, etc, and begging them to buy wrapping paper, disgusting chocolates, kitschy notepads, etc (one friend of mine once bought 20 notepads from Thing 1 at $5 apiece....6 years later he still has several left).

Now that Thing 2 is in school, however, the school has abandoned Sally Foster as their main fundraiser (I guess everyone around here has more wrapping paper than they know what to do with) and switched to magazine subscriptions. They send home a booklet with 10 address cards. You fill out the name and address of close friends, relatives, etc and this company mails them out, playing on sympathy, telling your friends/relatives/etc that if they subscribe to these magazines, a certain amount of that money will go to Thing 2's school. We did not put down friends who live near us because they have the same fundraiser, and we omitted one of my brothers because he has 2 kids, and that will just incite him to include us on his kids' fundraisers, so we were ultimately left with a 6 of the 10 cards in the booklet filled out.

The next day, Thing 2 came home with the booklet and explained that the teacher wanted her to fill out all 10, and she couldn't turn it in until they were all done. See, Thing 2 doesn't realize there's no punishment for not turning it in, in Kindergarten being told they could not turn something in was akin to a failing grade. So, we were left to fill out the remaining cards with some creativity (it was then we realized there were 11 in our booklet....did they add one as punishment?). So we included a friend of mine, and his wife....who lives at the same address. My wife's uncle lives in the same house as her grandparents, who are already getting one, but what the hell, he needs mail too, right? And so on.

While coming up with names, Thing 2 looked up at us, and very seriously asked, "Can't we also put down the names and addresses of people we know that died?"

This of course brought images to mind of Mayor Richard J. Daley's campaign slogans such as "Vote early, vote often," and voters in his ward having a home address that happened to be the same address as a cemetery.

On the one hand, I admire her clever problem-solving ability. On the other hand, I'm more than a little frightened of her potential as an evil genius. I guess it remains to be seen which way she goes. We'll know for sure if, during a soccer game, I hear her tell her teammates, "he pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S the Chicago way."

Friday, September 3, 2010

Overheard at a Soccer Tournament

2 weeks ago, I took the U12 girls team which I coach to a tournament. The temperatures were in the mid-high 90's, my girls played ferociously (most of them hadn't practiced together until that very week), and we finished with a 1-1-1 record. Unfortunately, in our 4-team bracket, we were 3rd place. The 2nd place team (who walked away with 2nd place trophies) was also 1-1-1 (we tied them), but their win was by a higher score.

But what will make that weekend memorable for me were some of the things which I heard (or overheard) throughout the weekend:

1. "Dad, we were at the playground and we saw a guy carrying a gun," my daughter said to me. "What? Are you sure it was a gun? Any chance it was a cop?" I asked her. "No, he was dressed normal," she replied. At that point, one of my player's dad, who was standing nearby, said (in all seriousness), "Oh, you don't have to be a copy to carry, you can get a carry permit. I have one." Thus my biggest concern was not that my daughter thought she saw a guy carrying on a playground at a sports complex, but the dad of one of my players was defending it.

2. "Can you score on a corner kick?" Player 1 (on one team) asked Player 2 (who was on the other team). "Sure, haven't you ever seen Bend it like Beckham?" replied Player 2. What made this conversation amusing was that it was held between two opposing players (who were both Select players, not Rec) while on the field. It turned into a movie discussion group. And considering this was a Select game, you'd think the one girl would know that it was possible to score on a corner. Also, it's been a couple years since I've seen the movie, but the famous scenes in it involved penalty kicks, not corners, I thought.

3. "Dad, ball me!" This was said by a kid to his dad. The kid needed a ball with which to warm up. Dad had all the balls. So the boy asked his dad to perform a vital task at that moment: to ball him. Of course, channeling Beavis and Butthead the way I do, I had to hold in a laugh until I was ten feet away. And this reminds me, I need to teach my girls the meaning of the phrase "Dad, little help," as the always appropriate way to ask someone to kick a ball back to you.