Monday, June 29, 2009


Because of a super-good deal on tickets, my wife took Thing 1 to the Demi Lovato / David Archuleta concert at the Gwinnett Arena tonight (for those not in the know, the former is a teen singer/actress heavily featured on Disney Channel programs, the latter owes his fame to American Idol…no clue if he won or not). After a heated game of Rock Paper Scissors that may or may not have involved an actual pair of scissors being pulled, it was determined that my wife would take her (her BFF and the BFF’s mom went with).

I was left with Thing 2 for the evening. If I had driven Thing 2 to the hospital with a compound fracture, part of her femur sticking through her leg, and having to hold her while the doctor popped her dislocated arm back into the socket, I think I still would’ve had the better end of the bargain.

I decided to take Thing 2 to a movie, so we went and saw “Up,” the latest Pixar movie. Question: Am I the only person in America that had no idea this was a 3D movie? The last time I saw a 3D movie in the theaters was “Treasure of the Four Crowns,” which even at the age of 10 I knew was an enormous piece of shit. Obviously, the technology has come a long way. We were given our complimentary 3D glasses (which looked like cheap Ray-Bans, sort of), loaded up on popcorn, candy, and soda, and went into the theater. Upon walking in, we doubled the amount of people that were already in the theater, so we were able to take the perfect seat.

10 minutes into the movie, Thing 2 missed the cup holder with her kids’ sized Sprite, and dropped it right onto the floor. She looked VERY nervous for a second, until I leaned down and whispered, “don’t worry. Free refills. Let’s go get you another one.” So off we went, missing the two minutes where Ed Asner modified his house with balloons. We got her another Sprite, and a handful of napkins, and reclaimed our seats. Amazingly, she was able to sit through the entire movie without requiring a bathroom break. Thing 1, when I first took her to a movie solo, needed one. But, it was “Miracle,” which was about 45 minutes longer, and she held out until the game against the Soviets was almost over. I literally carried her, while running, to the bathroom and got back before the game ended in that movie. Thing 2, however, made it the entire 96 minutes, plus the previews and credits. Gotta love a kid that’s a camel.

There was one sort of emotional part in the movie, but it had nothing to do with the film itself. I had a flashback to when I was Thing 2’s age. My dad would take me to see lots of movies, just him and I. That’s where I saw the Disney classics…Pinocchio, Peter Pan, etc. We also found a way to get together and see all three of the Lord of the Rings movies. Of course, in a solitary lack of judgment, in the summer of 1977 (the same year he took all of us to see Star Wars), he took me and my two older brothers (I was 5, they were 11 and 14) to see Animal House. My younger brother had just been born, so I blame lack of sleep on his part, he probably slept through the whole thing. But, going to see movies was a big part of my childhood, and one of the things I loved doing with my dad. So there I was, for an hour and a half tonight, more like my dad than I’ve ever been (I’m not counting the times my daughters learned to say 4 letter words from me).

So, this movie could’ve been as big a piece of raw sewage as “Treasure of the Four Crowns” (it wasn’t, it was actually pretty good), and I still would’ve lifted up that armrest, put one arm around my daughter, and enjoyed a movie with her. And, while Thing 1 is going on and on about how awesome Demi Lovato is, Thing 2 and I will forever have the inside joke of being able to yell “Squirrel!” and have it be instantly funny.


  1. Sounds like it was worth it after all - you are a big softie deep down!

  2. Ahhh...very sweet.

    Jesus "Up" was freakin' sad at the beginning. I was like "I just came for some laughs and killer animation, I didn't sign up for all this." But then the action kicked in and I was able to close the basket case.

    I had a 45 minute conversation with one of the Doc's I work with yesterday about marital/kid stuff. He's doing more with the son/she's doing more with the daughter and he feels like they are growing apart. I have no children purely because biology has conspired against hubby and me but I strongly believe in family and loyalty and agreed with him that his wife should stop taking baby-girl to gay music class on Sat's and they should all do something together. Oh-and he's a dick to his wife and should apologize-which he did. Sounds like you and your wife have it worked out pretty good.

    I'm pretty sure my mom was on some pretty heavy meds when she took me and my cousin to see my first "R" movie "Stir Crazy" at 7 years old. I remember looking over at her thinkin' we were about to get snatched up and drug out at any moment but she was laughing harder than we were.

    Do you think you'll be like dad and take your 7 year old to an "R" movie? I don't know why but it didn't seem like as big a deal when we were kids.

  3. No, I would not do that. Back in 1977, the ratings went from PG to R. One swear word, and it was automatically an R, so R meant something different back then. Still, it was obviously about a fraternity house, so I can't imagine how my dad missed the clues. The guy had a PhD in Astrophysics, he wasn't stupid.

    When I saw "Braveheart" in the theaters, this guy came in halfway through the movie with his twin daughters, about 6 or 7 years old. He had obviously just got out of a kids movie and wanted to check out this one. He made it in time for the goriest of battle scenes, and managed to see an English soldier's head get caved in with a war hammer. He stayed for 5 more minutes, and when the battle ended he left. Those girls are probably strippers now.

    We mix time with the kids. I coach the older one's soccer team, and have taken her to dance in the past. I will start to coach my younger one this fall, and I go to a lot of both of their school events. Some of it makes me want to gouge my eyes out, but considering what my parents did for me and my 3 brothers (which was a lot), I can certainly handle this.

    And yes, the beginning was sad. But, it was Disney, and they hate mothers/maternal figures, so I knew to expect her to be killed off (Bambi, Cinderella, Snow White, etc).

  4. Never really thought about it like that. I mean that Disney loves to "take out" moms but I guess you're right.

    How do you know those girls are strippers? They very well could be the nerds who "role play/fight" dressed in "Middle Earth" attire at Piedmont Park on Saturdays. Depends.

    I saw "A Clockwork Orange" when I was like 10 point is....yeah.. o.k. maybe that's what's wrong with me. hehehe.

  5. Ahh, Live Action Role Playing. Larpers. Yeah, that could be, but for some reason, I think Braveheart would've damaged them a lot worse.

    I saw A Clockwork Orange around the same time. But, like I said, I saw Animal House and Star Wars the same summer of 77, so I was pretty much destined to growing up and being fascinated with naked women and stuff blowing up when you shoot lasers at them.

  6. What you’ve just said does a good deal to explain the spiritual sickness that has undermined the western world in the last few decades, and turned its people into the moral degenerates they are.

  7. Well said! And thanks for noticing.

  8. What about the spiritual sickness in the Eastern world? I know what Japanese businessmen do on vacation in Bangkok. If that's not moral degeneration, I don't know what is!

  9. ^ You should see me in Bangkok!

  10. this movie was 3-D? my movie theater totally jipped me!