Friday, June 19, 2009

Glaucoma Discussion

I had my annual eye exam this week, to get a new prescription for contact lenses, and the glasses I wear as a backup (I take my lenses out each night, and wear my glasses until bedtime, and then wear the glasses first thing in the morning until after I shower, where I then put on my contact lenses).

Eye care technology has advanced enough, apparently, that eye doctors are able to tell in their exam if there is a risk factor for glaucoma, at which point they will then test for it by blowing that high pressure puff of air INTO MY FUCKING EYEBALL! Thankfully, the doctor saw none of the risk signs and decided there was no need for me to suffer through the aforementioned sadistic procedure.

While staring at the lights that he was waving around, my mind wandered, and I got to thinking how much fun it would be to have filthy, dirty sex in the eye doctor’s chair. And, since I have the attention span of a kitten, I got to thinking….if I had the choice between suffering through the glaucoma test where they shoot a blast of air into my eyeball, followed by the best sex imaginable, or not having the glaucoma test at all, getting my eyes examined, paying for the service and leaving, which one would I do?

It did not take long at all to decide that I would prefer not having a glaucoma test. If sex was involved, I would gladly give blood, see the dental hygienist, or sit in traffic for 2 hours listening to political talk radio (3 things I hate to do, but have done). But I would gladly pass on the sex if it meant not getting a glaucoma test.


  1. Dude your optometrist must be a hell of a lot hotter than mine, is all I can say.

    The dental nurse, maybe.

  2. Here's another perspective for you: I'm single. I've had that damned glaucoma test before and I'd have it again in exchange for the wild chair sex. Anytime.

    Have a great weekend.

  3. I need to damage my perfect teeth or eyes just so I can get some of this wild chair sex fantasising. My office chair just doesn't do it for me.

  4. My office chair isn't much better. I suffered a soccer injury last night, and it hurt even worse when I sat down at my desk this morning.

    What's the safest level of ibuprofen you can take at one shot?

  5. Qualify "safe"?... I can put you in a coma if the pain is too bad, or I can kiss it better - your call, homeboy...

  6. Q, from you a kiss would be fine, but you're the exception. Otherwise, I'd need the right amount of Advil to go with one 12 ounce beer and still be able to get to work tomorrow.

    Without a bleeding ulcer.

  7. Soccer injury, how do you hurt yourself playing soccer???

    What is it, chipped nail? Sprained perm? Smeared lipstick?

  8. You just named 3 things I did to your wife in the heat of passion.


    Like most soccer injuries, it was a result of poor stretching. The balance of all soccer injuries are suffered by the Italians in the process of diving.

  9. Glaucoma is treated with systemic diuretic medications, a surgical procedure called iridotomy or iridectomy, surgical formation of a drainage shunt or all of the above. The condition is very rare and causes a rapid loss of vision if not treated immediately.