Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Road Trip to Hilton Head, Part 2: Adult Entertainment

As you can see, the trip started with some interesting reading material…..that being license plates and bumper stickers.

It only improved from there. As we approached Macon, which is about an hour and a half south of Atlanta, we started to see billboards for businesses that obviously cater to truckers…large truck stops (with showers!), strip clubs, and massage parlors (also known as a “Run n’ Tug). Macon is at the junction of I-75 (which goes from Sault Ste. Marie Ontario Canada all the way to south Florida) and I-16, which goes from Macon to Savannah (Savannah is not just a stripper name, it’s one of the largest…and by some accounts the prettiest…city in Georgia). At Savannah, I-16 connects with I-95, which links the entire East Coast, so I-16 is a major corridor to get to Atlanta from Florida. So, Macon is a busy highway juncture with lots of truck traffic.

Approaching Macon on I-75, the first adult business we saw advertised was a strip club. I have no idea what the name of the business was, because the billboard looked like this:

(need we say more?)

Followed by the location at the next exit.

There is absolutely no hidden message there, they want to get their point across quickly and cheaply. It was white text on a black billboard. My guess is, the quality of their advertising perfectly matches the quality of their “talent.”

A couple miles down the road, we saw a billboard for a Rub n’ Tug. It said:


Followed by info on their location and a phone number.

For those of you who are multi-lingual, you may have noticed a typo in what I wrote above. Note, this was not a typo. Let me explain. In Spanish, the vowel at the end of a noun is indicative of gender. -o is masculine, -a is feminine. Thus, if you are describing a Hispanic man, you would say “Latino.” A female, on the other hand, would be a “Latina.” If you’re following what I’m saying, then you now know what this business is offering is a “massage” (French for “coughHANDJOBcough”) by either a white chick, an Asian chick, or a dude named Manuel. Yes, the children’s Disney Channel show “Handy Manny” did indeed cross my mind.

Before posting this, I wanted to make sure my Spanish is indeed accurate and I contacted a friend of mine, who is from Mexico. He confirmed that this business did indeed offer the sexual services of a male Hispanic, and he also suggested that if you wanted a Latina masseusse, your best bet would be an Argentinean or Chilean, preferably 20 years old. Otherwise, you could get a Mexican girl for less money but MUCH higher quality in Mexico, but do NOT get a massage from a Mexican girl in the US, because they look like they swam across the Rio Bravo. His words, not mine.

Hopefully reading my journal was a learning experience. You now know that Macon is a great place to get very cheap strippers, and massages from Latinos, and you should never get a massage from Mexican women IN the US. Settle only for Argentineans or Chileans.


  1. Now I've got the 'Lowrider' song from Cheech and Chong stuck in my head. Thanks man.

  2. I have indeed learnt some valuable information here and am confident of my ability to procure a quality Rub-n-tug on continental America.

    Unfortunately my brain was already full so this information has pushed some old info out of my brain. Can anyone help me relearn to drive a car?

  3. Fascinating stuff, I have to say...

  4. Low. Rah. Der.

    Thanks Nat, I really needed that.

  5. Might i ask ( because i notice you hadn't mentioned) what you said to your offspring when they noticed the large billboards offering the viewing of naked people for money.

  6. I've never been to Georgia. You're not selling me on going there.

    Now, as for South Carolina, I do like Charleston. It's a pretty enough place, plenty of historical stuff for a milgeek like me, and Palmetto beer isn't bad when it's 90+ out.

    Uh, guys? Didn't the band 'War' do 'Lowrider'?

  7. And all I wanted to point out was that it should be “TRUCKERS’ RATES”, not “TRUCKER’S RATES”. Who would want to enter such a place and risk being badly punctuated?

    I don’t think I’d heard the term ‘Latino’ until a few years ago, and have only just looked it up (‘Short for Spanish latinoamericano, Latin-American.’). To me, ‘Hispanic’ means ‘relating to Spanish or Spain’, though obviously it’s used differently in the Americas. I just wondered if the two were used with distinct meanings in the US; they often seem to be used interchangeably. After all, strictly speaking, an Italian-American could be a Latino, but it doesn’t seem to be used in that way. Just wondered.

  8. Simon, Latino, Latin-American, and Hispanic are one and the same. Strangely, Italian-Americans are not Latin-Americans. We just call them Dagos.

    Kidding. We call them Guineas. Mind you, technically speaking, Brazilians are not Hispanic, but they are referred to as Latin-American. Brazilians are descended from the Portuguese and/or freed slaves.

    Uamada, that's the beauty of road trips these days, between the portable DVD player we have for the car, Nintendo DS, and books, my kids don't notice them (one of them anyway, the other can't read yet). So thanks to low attention span, I'm spared. She has noticed similar billboards, however, and the question has come up. I handle it by pretending not to hear the question and changing the subject, which almost always works.

    YD, South Georgia is only bad simply because there's nothing to see/do. It's like driving through southern Illinois, or anywhere in Iowa or Indiana. There is camping, lots of state parks, etc, but most of it isn't terribly interesting. Savannah is a beautiful city, completely intact from it's founding 300 years ago, because according to Gen. Sherman, "It was too beautiful to burn down." Unlike Atlanta, which was completely torched.

  9. YD - yup sure was. Had this as an earworm for half the night last night thanks to Nat!