Sunday, May 3, 2009

Only your Mum would call you an athlete

On Friday, May 1, we had a solid 2-3 hours of thunderstorms throughout the afternoon. Naturally, not ideal conditions for sitting behind a metal cage, on a metal seat, with my feet in a big ol' tub of water. However, the skies cleared up at about 4:30PM, in time for the 5:30 start of the carnival.

The carnival started with pickup games between coaches, so I did that for the first hour. I then took Thing 2 around to some games, some jumpies, and got her face painted. At 7:30, I went to get changed. Much like the gladiators in "The Running Man" were called to fight Arnold Schwarzenegger, I was called to get into my trunks to get dunked. At 8PM, it was go-time.

I advised several people that they could be the next drummer for Def Leppard, with their arms (after ascertaining they actually had 2 arms...wouldn't want to say that to an amputee). I told a couple of kids that I could've worn my good suit. And I told one girl that only her mom would call her an athlete. This girl, of course, was my daughter, Thing 1.

Unfortunately, instead of softballs thrown at a small target, they were throwing soccer balls at a large round target. Since 2 of these kids who dunked me repeatedly were my players, in retrospect I regret being a good teacher of throw-in technique. Of course, some of the kids decided to be smart-asses, and they ran up and hit the target, dunking me. When that happened, I went in with the cannonball technique, drenching all around me.

At about 8:30, near the end of the carnival, the thunder and lightning came, holding out so that we could get our 3 hours of revelry. At that point, I decided it was a damn good time to get out of the dunk tank.


  1. Soft, what's a little lightening going to do???

    The biggest money spinner we ever had at a school fair was we brought a car from the wreckers, knocked the glass out, got a sledgehammer and charged a couple of buck for a couple of minutes with the sledgehammer. There was a queue for the entire fair.

  2. Seeing you behind bars seems so natural!

  3. As you should know, having a set of metal bars even partly surrounding you would make you safer in a thunderstorm than the others attending the event.

    But you’re a braver man than I am. I congratulate you for your sacrifice.

  4. Congratulations for keeping it clean! No farquing chance would I have managed it (surprisingly as that seems)

  5. Right on. Nice of you to take one for the team.

    I was in Myrtle playing golf and being totally selfish all weekend. I think my wife officially hates my guts.

  6. Naut, quite a few carnivals I've seen do the same thing. It's amazing how people will pay money just to beat the shit out of a car with a sledgehammer.

    Lermontov....NEVER CONVICTED.

    Simon, I have to disagree. If that thing was lit up by lightning, it could disperse the blast everywhere, and take out more than just one person. And, with me sitting on it with my feet in water, I think it would do similar things to me that a microwave does to a potato.

    Yobbo, it's years of practice coaching kids. It took me years of hard work to ever utter the words "What the fuck were you thinking?" to a group of kids.

    Kona, I recommend a shift in a dunking booth to everyone. It is both humbling and pretty damn fun.

  7. You have a point. Its usefulness as a Faraday cage would be rather doubtful given the very heavy currents involved in a lightning strike. There’s only one way to resolve the issue – to test it. And I believe you are the man to do it.

    I did see a demonstration on a TV documentary once of how the occupant of a car shouldn’t need to worry about lightning: I can’t remember the details, but it was a BMW at some research centre in Germany with very high voltage equipment for just such tests. Seeing it blasted with bolts of pseudo-lightning without harm were… ah… striking.

  8. Neither was OJ.

    Not that I'm judging, or anything.

  9. Actually, OJ was convicted.

    Just not of double murder.

  10. Nice job. The kids love being able to send grown-ups into the tank. In fact, some of your players were probably dreaming of it all season.

  11. One of them bought 11 tickets specifically to dunk me. She was late to last year's carnival and just missed me, so she was waiting for it for a year.

  12. it's rather hot to see you wet and behind bars..