Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Braves Game Recap

As I mentioned last week, I was at the baseball game between the Atlanta Braves and the Arizona Diamondbacks on Saturday, May 16. This was my first Major League Baseball game in 13, so a lot has changed. The last time I went to one, it was at Yankee Stadium in New York City. Yankee Stadium was falling apart then. They averaged several million per year in attendance back then, which is a lot of people using the public bathrooms.

Turner Field, where the Braves play, was originally Olympic Stadium for the 1996 Olympics (you know, the Olympics where Juan Antonio Samaranch said the games were "most exceptional," as opposed to "the greatest Olympics ever," which he used at every. other. Olympics), and was converted to a baseball stadium, since there is no need in Atlanta for a massive track and field venue. It's a pretty nice facility, lots of red brick, huge video screens everywhere (you can see the game from a giant screen that faces the parking lot), and amazingly, everyone was nice. Driving into the parking lot, I passed 4 different parking attendants who all said, "enjoy the game!" There's no way in hell that would've happened in New York. Up there, the only pleasantry one is likely to get is "keep it moving buddy, you're holding up the line!"

Inside the ballpark, it was People-Watching Central. Almost to the point of sensory overload. But again, people were a hell of a lot nicer. The ushers at each section would occasionally throw candy into the crowd of kids. At Yankee Stadium, I was sitting in the bleacher section, surrounded by (aside from the co-workers with whom I went) people who were probably in prison as recently as that morning. I remember one incident where people in the bleachers were shouting at a beer vendor in the box seat section, and he was shouting back. Eventually, the vendor reached down and grabbed his balls, which caused the heathens ladies and gentlemen in the bleachers to cheer. This was followed shortly afterwards by a chant from the bleacher section, "Box seats suck! Box seats suck!" over and over again. And, whenever a "Wave" was started, the chant was "Keep the Wave in Shea! Keep the Wave in Shea!" referring to Shea Stadium, the home of much more civilized fans the New York Mets, which is the team I always followed.

I did see one young woman at the Braves game wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and Ugg boots. It's nice to see she was finally able to escape her dad's basement sex dungeon after a 10 year imprisonment, now if only someone could help her with current fashion.

As we were leaving the game, right after the 7th Inning Stretch (an American baseball tradition, where "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" is played....basically, an excuse for the grounds crew to rake the dirt and make the field pretty for the final 2 innings) my family went into the women's bathroom, and I waited outside for them. While waiting, I saw a young woman off to the side with, presumably, her boyfriend. She was crying, trying to shove him away, and saying things like "oh my God it was so disgusting," followed by more unintelligable garbling and weeping. Her boyfriend, the entire time, kept hugging her close, telling her "it's OK baby, it's OK," and trying to kiss her. Each time he would bend to kiss her, she recoiled from him, but he'd still lean in. It honestly looked like he was trying to make out with a rape victim. Considering his inability to read body language, he is not likely to survive if he ever gets married. Anyway, after a minute of watching that uncomfortable display, the boyfriend left her to walk towards me, with a very pissed off look on his face. It was then I realized I was about to witness someone getting their ass kicked. I turned as he passed me, watching where he was headed, and saw a group of men in their late teens, early 20's, standing near the railing (we were on the upper deck, and if you were to leap over or get thrown from that railing, you would fall a couple hundred feet to your probably death). When he was about 20 feet from that group, one of the guys intercepted him and tried to get him to calm down, and the boyfriend was shouting at one of the guys in particular. My guess is, it was an alcohol related incident, and the one guy likely did something foul to the girlfriend, like show her his genitals, or the contents of his 401(k) retirement portfolio. My family eventually returned, so I didn't get to see how it played out, but like most suburban white guy fights, I'm sure it ended with everyone calling one another "bro," and the boyfriend going home to try and have sex with his devastated girlfriend.

Lastly, we had dinner at Turner Field. We ordered the following:
2 large hot dogs
2 hot dog kids meals (small hot dog, drink, coloring book)
2 large sodas
2 pretzels
Total: $42.50 (this would have been the same amount had we ate a sit-down dinner at TGI Fridays, Chotchkies, Flingers, or some other casual dining restaurant).

The Braves were losing 5-0 when we left with 2 innings to play. The final score was 12-0. So, these overpriced ass clowns are paid in part by the overpriced concessions at the ballpark, and they get their asses handed to them 12-0? I'm glad they lost.


  1. I’m very disappointed in you, Steve. Couldn’t you have at least shouted to him something like “Go on! Kill the bastard!” and handed him a broken bottle?

  2. "Box seats suck!" sounds a lot like the "Members are wankers!" chants we get here at the MCG.

    I actually like the sound of Yankee Stadium better than Turner Field!

  3. Twelve - zip sounds pretty humiliating - very similar to an Ashes series! It is a shame that you didn't get to see the brawl - good entertainment - it doesn't sound like alot of fight was shown on the pitch

  4. In fairness, the guy seemed to have no more fight than the home team that night. One of those fights where the one guy going in is saying, "someone hold me back or I'll kill him," praying someone does hold him back.

    Naut, the Yankees fans do have a lot of fight in them, but they're all such assholes. On top of that, they'll buy beer from someone whose hand has recently been on his crotch. Tossers.

    Lerm, very humiliating. The Braves pitcher is Japanese, I was kind of hoping he'd commit hari kiri to redeem himself. His "song" (all major leaguers, when coming to bat at their home park, get to pick a "song" that is used to introduce them, kind of like pro wrestlers) is "Everybody Wants Some," by Van Halen, forever destroying that song for me.

  5. 'one young woman at the Braves game wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and Ugg boots'
    Definitely one of our first-years. Reckon you can send her back here by return post? Government pays us by arses on seats unfortunately.

    Yeah that experience sounds like it sure did suck. Bugger. Suddenly $5 plastic beers and the bounteous cornucopia that is the EuroDogs van at domestic cricket games at the Uni Oval sounds fairly optimal.

  6. You only pay $5?

    Beers at this baseball game were going for $7. US Dollars.


    Oh, did I fucking forget to mention that? $7 BUDWEISER! That's like charging $30,000 for a Ford Fiesta. Even if it can storm the beaches with the Royal Marines on Top Gear, it's not worth $30,000.

  7. Yep, that sounds like your typical Major League Baseball game. For all of the overseas readers, I'll tell you right now Steve described the experience to a T.

    You got me looking forward to next month's Cubs/Indians tilt at overcrowded Wrigley Field, with watery $7 beer and hot dogs cooked up for the previous homestand. If we're lucky it'll be 100 degrees out as well.

  8. They were $3 last year, there and at Carisbrook (our main rugby ground.) Cans of Speights Gold Medal Ale. A highly drinkable brew. Prices jacked cos they're doing them in plastic bottles now - for no reason other than as an excuse to jack the prices having introduced them.

  9. $42.50 USD??? Jesus, the broad better have a low cut sweater and the table for two, a view. $42.50 Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, that is were the government is getting the money for the bailout. $42.50 Jesus. Jesus. Jesus!!!!