Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, and in all professions.
This week, heroes are a bunch of guys who get paid to use explosives for a living, being dropped to the Missouri River via helicopter, to blow up ice floes that are basically damming up the river and flooding large parts of North Dakota. Read about it here:
Right now, hundreds of thousands of rednecks throughout the Upper Midwest are saying, "Oh ja, how do I get dat dere job? You betcha I can too blow up dem dere ice floes. I'd be like dem Duke Boys, with my bow and arrow and dem high explosive tips and I'd shoot dem arrows into the ice and blow dem tings to Kingdom Come." (In other news, Kona is probably tying C4 explosives to his arrows as I write this).
And in related news, this is the news team from this TV station, KXMB in North Dakota.
They seem to cover all the demographics. You have the Cougar. The MILF (who looks a tad like Marge Helgenberger from CSI). Then there's Goofy Bastard Who Never Got The Memo That Nobody Wears The Caesar Haircut Anymore (news doesn't travel as fast to ND, as you can see from his haircut reminiscent of the heyday of N*Synch). And then there's the woman who could easily be a stripper. But not in North Dakota, judging by her full set of teeth. Definitely Minneapolis, probably even Dallas. And her name is Amber Schatz. For her sake, I hope she pronounces it "Shots" (which would be the correct German pronunciation). If it's "Shats," well...sorry, that's just too easy and I consider myself a pro. And finally, we have cute-as-a-button Sarah Gustin, who is probably asked out daily by GBWNGTMTNWTCHA (AKA Brad Feldman) and she politely declines, and then goes home, changes clothes and makeup, puts on a disguise, and becomes an internet porn star, probably named "Sierra Gusty".
The really cool thing about small-market TV news is that the anchors haven't lost their regional accents yet, so chances are these reporters all sound like extras in "Grumpy Old Men" or "Fargo."
In closing, I'd like to suggest that tonight we all go home and raise a glass to the guys who are being paid to blow ice floes up. God bless them, and if only that were us. Cause that would be awesome.