Friday, March 20, 2009

Commuter of the Day 3/20/2009: Let's Roll!

Red Corvette convertible. 50-ish woman driving. The license plate said:


It's obvious this means, "Let's roll," (or as they say in the South, when drunk, "Lesh rollll!"), but I'm not sure if this is a "I've got my Corvette, so Let's Roll!" Or, if it's the famous 9/11 battle cry (from Flight 92, the one that crashed in Pennsylvania, where they tried to take back the plane). It's Georgia, where people will put car flags on their car and leave them there for 3 years, until the flag is completely worn off and all you have is a white plastic pole with a little bit of red, white and blue fabric hanging from it.

I almost rammed someone simply out of spite yesterday. I was in a left-turn lane. To the right of me, the lane was for traffic going straight. The woman in that lane realized she was in the wrong lane, and when I got the green arrow to turn (the straight lane still had the red), she whipped in front of me and made the left turn....from the right lane.

Yes, she was on a cell phone. I honked. I used profanity. I even gave her the international symbol for "hang up your fucking phone." Interestingly enough, this symbol can also be mistaken for the one you use to tell people, "You're #1!!!!" And when I passed her (it was a 4 lane road), she pulled in behind me, I continued talking to her, talking in my rearview mirror, asking her if she had shit for brains and if she knew how fucking stupid she was.

I thought I might need anger management counseling. But, then I realized people who need such counseling would've actually gotten out of the car and beaten her with her phone, so I think I'm OK.


  1. i think you just need some road-head. you'd be a lot happier driving. traffic would seem insignificant.

  2. See, this is where my idea for a scrolling LCD display in car windows would be so handy. You just speak what you want it to say, and voila, everyone else knows what a douchebag you think they are. The downside is maybe innocents would think it's for them...

    Nah. No down side. Those people would give you an even wider berth, and that's a good thing!

  3. Steve, I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to get out of my car, drag some sorry fucker out of his window and completely destroy him right there in the road. And I am generally a pretty passive guy.

    Once, I did get out of my truck at a stop light. Some douche (driving a Jetta), and his wife that resembled a famous black and white bovine you see in Sconnie all the time,
    felt the need to ride my ass in a 40MPH zone. I was driving 42. I was cussing him in my rear view mirror and he was mimicking me. We pulled up next to one another at the light and I yelled to him "it's a 40 MPH zone you dumbass!" To which he replied "You were doing 38 you redneck" or something to that effect. I would generally take "redneck" as a compliment, but I really didn't appreciate him telling me how fast I was driving. I got out of my truck and started to yell something about how he liked to fuck farm animals and the pussy ran the red light to get away from me. I was wearing a ball cap, jeans (with huge buckle) and boots, and probably had a giant Red Man chew in my cheek....but what a little bitch.

  4. Oh yeah...I smell bitch.

    Luna, what you do is specify the car on the LCD display, so people don't confuse which car pulled the douchebaggery.

  5. Hehehe Kona...that is the best story I've heard in awhile. :D

  6. Whenever something like that happens to me, I want to get out of the car, reach into their car, grab their phone away from them and heave it as far as I can throw.

  7. I actually got out of my car once at a stop light. This stupid dumbass cuntbag totally cut me off while on her cell phone and didn't even look. I had to swerve to avoid collision.

    The best part - the whole episode I was on the cell phone with my mother, a true southern baptist. Who heard me get out of my car and rip that dumb cunt's head off with a string of cursewords that would make a sailor cringe.

    i swear I'm going to have a heart attack before 40 because of traffic.

  8. Look guys at least your sixteen year old isn't beating you to the punchline with a hearty 'what a wanker' when incidents such as these happens...think of the children people...OH WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

  9. Snow, I think every Southern Baptist needs to hear foul language at least once. Best it come from her own daughter.

    Nat, if your 16 year old comes out with "what a douchenozzle," check the history on your PC, she might've been visiting my blog.

    But look at it this way....she knows what is unacceptable driving behavior, so she's sure to be fine once she's behind the wheel of a death machine.