Imagine getting a phone call late in the day from a customer, and the customer sounds exactly....and I mean EXACTLY....like Carl Spackler from Caddyshack (Bill Murray's character). He's trying to explain an issue he's having with a part, and all I can hear is, "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a miracle... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!" Or, "I don't think the hard stuff's going to come down for a while."
It's probably going to be pretty hard to keep a straight face, right?
Now imagine....his name is......Dick Johnson.
My inner Beavis & Butthead was in full overdrive. Here I am discussing a part worth thousands of dollars, and all I can think is, "yeah, umm, yeah, hehe, Dick Johnson, Dick Johnson, Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick JOHNSON!" I was a fifty cent cab ride away from doing Cornholio.
This world won't be anywhere near as fun a place when people stop using Dick as a nickname for Richard (in fact, I've known couples who considered using Richard as a baby name until it occurred to one of them that the nickname would be Dick and scrapped it for this reason, so Richard might become extinct).
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What is the age of the youngest guy named Dick that you know? I think for me it is about 58.
ReplyDeleteI don't know their ages, but most of them are within 5 years of retiring, and I knew 2 others professionally who already retired.
ReplyDeleteNow, the age of the youngest guy I know named Richard who I call Dick is a totally different story. Pretty much everybody named Richard falls into that category whether they want to or not.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why parents our age don't name kids Richard anymore. Richard is going the way of Horace, Eustace, Kim, and Kelly as boys names.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why it took parents 10-20 years longer to get off the "Rodney" bandwagon?
ReplyDeleteYour job sounds so much more fun than MY job. I wonder if I can talk my bosses into making conversations between our consultants and nursing home residents part of the surveys that I edit. That might make for some good comic relief.
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure if this applies in the US, but in Britain, ‘Roger’ is a name to be used with caution, as it is slang for ‘to have sex with’ (as in ‘he gave her a good rogering’). At one time an urban myth circulated that former names in the children’s TV programme Captain Pugwash were ‘Master Bates’, ‘Seaman Stains’ and ‘Roger the Cabin Boy’.
ReplyDeleteIt’s worse with surnames though. You can change your first name without too much difficulty, but the surname is not so easy to lose. My current object of sympathy is the government minister Ed Balls. There again, at least his parents didn’t call him Richard.
or lickem, or magnus
ReplyDeleteOr Harry. Or Roger.
ReplyDeleteRoger isn't used as a slang for sex here, but many people understand that it is British slang.
And Master Bates was a character in the Richard Pryor movie "The Toy." The kid who played that character was also Flick in "A Christmas Story," and went on to star in soft-core porn.
How come Dickbar hasn't weighed in on this?
ReplyDeleteOur section manager is richard/dick. We all hate him.. so calling him a dick is a joy for us.
and for the record, i would have totally been laughing at the dick johnson name too, steve. i can't even say snatches at the gym without giggling and i've been doing crossfit for 1.5 years now.
Dick Johnson is a good one. You are either a total tool, or a total playa! If you got a shitty name, you gotta own it. I am glad my first name is not Dick, but I would have rocked "Hugh" as a first name quite well.
ReplyDeleteThere was a teacher at my high school named Dick Titty. The headmaster was talking about something during our commencement ceremony and he mentioned "and back in the day when Dick Titty monitored the carpool line....". I almost peed.
There was a Congressman from New Hampshire named Dick Swett.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing so hard I forgot what I was going to say.
ReplyDeleteOh. I have an Uncle Dick, who is in his 70's. I do, however, know a Dick who is in his 30's, so there's hope.
We all know dicks in their 30's (men are dicks in their 30's like women are in their sexual prime in their 30's). But is his NAME Dick?
ReplyDeleteMy ex's little brother is 18 and his name is Ricardo. We called him all forms of Dick. He liked it. I especially liked leaving messages on his phone that start off with "Dick" - insert an angry tone and a 5 second pause- and then continue. I'm such a child.
ReplyDeleteWe had Sherwood Smallwood at one of my jobs...No joke. I can't remember how the first name was spelled though.
Also, in response to Maurita, I have an Uncle Woody....Yes, I do.
ReplyDeleteDick Johnson is a famous racecar driver and team owner over here and yes, he is totally a dick johnson.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle's name is Richard but he has always been know as Buster. Maybe my Grandparents realised what they had done right after they signed the birth certificate.
Simon, I have heard that exact story about Captain Pugwash over here in Australia.
It just goes to show what an egalitarian society we live in; anyone can be a Dick.
ReplyDeleteWell, perhaps not women.
My cousin is called Richard and a very young 25, nobody has ever called him Dick, to his face it's usually Rick. Maybe being over six foot and built like a brick shit house has something to do with it!
ReplyDeleteA schoolmate of mine is a Richard who is known as Dick. And I'd second Naut's remarks about Tricky Dicky - the race car driver. A famous cricket umpire is named Dickie Bird!
ReplyDeleteThirded (?) on Dick Johnson - very Austin Powers - the only thing he was good for was laconic one-liners when they had him on the in-car camera (they used to cross to him live in the race, no way would they do that stuff these days - made good TV though). Other than that he was a whinging bastard. There was also a Nascar driver called Dick Trickle - sounds like he could use a trip to the urologist. Though my all time favourite Dick was the former New South Wales state minister for gaming and racing, Mr Richard Face.
ReplyDeleteBest footballer name ever is probably a score draw between German striker Stefan Kuntz and Portuguese goalkeeper Quim.
@ Simon - speaking of dodgy ministerial names - Darling and Ladyman were the UK ministers for roads and transport at one stage weren't they?
ReplyDeleteOne of the funniest David Letterman moments was when he had a 5 year old kid on his show and the kid was telling Dave how much he loved Nascar and that his favorite driver was Dick Trickle.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe it was Johnny Carson, I forget.
Yes, indeed – Alistair Darling is the present Chancellor of the Exchequer, having served in five previous cabinet posts. The more remarked on thing about him is the fact that he has white hair but black eyebrows however.
ReplyDeleteTalking of politicians, the one-time prime minister John Major made me realise that there must be, somewhere, someone with the Catch-22 name and rank of ‘Major Major’ – or do they require such persons to change their name?
But to get back to the point, I was mentioning the subject of this entry to my (German) mother this morning, and she said that when she was at school there was a girl in her class with the unfortunate name ‘Fick’ (ie ‘fuck’). She said that the girl’s brother changed his name upon reaching adulthood, unable to live with the embarrassment (the girl lost the surname on getting married).
^ I knew a Sergeant Sargent when I was in the green. You'd think he would have tried to avoid the promo!
ReplyDeleteWould it have been worse if he was a commissioned officer? Lieutenant Sargent?
ReplyDeleteSimon, what's a more unfortunate German surname? Fick, or Hitler?
Yeah - it would have been heaps worse! Hopefully they'd make him change it by deed-poll. Otherwise you'd end up calling out to him on the piss and the catering Sgt would come running from the kitchen!
ReplyDeletethis post is making me horny.. ;)
ReplyDelete