Seen in front of the nearby Taco Mac while going to lunch (by the way, I'd like to give a shout-out to my corporate Amex.....I love you baby, more than you'll ever know) was a bright red car that could only have been driven by a female college student or a single woman in her 40's:
KITTNLUV
Such license plates devoted to pets (you know, the kind with an almost uncomfortable devotion to pets) usually come with a sticker somewhere that says, "My child drinks from the toilet" with a picture of a Scottish terrier or Dalmatian, but I saw no such pro-cat stickers on this car. Which leads me to make one of the two following conclusions:
1. Her nickname is Kitten.
2. She likes kitties. And I mean that in a genitalic way.
I suppose the car could've been new, and she just hasn't gotten around to putting stickers proclaiming her love for the North American Shorthair or Russian Blue or Manx.
I doubt it though.
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I reckon #2 + its only since her recent divorce that she's 'come out'. SHe only became aware of her new sexuality when she took up latin dance to stave off the interminable boredom and microwave meals for one, that single life had led her too.
ReplyDeleteAlso, she got her belly button pierced for her 43rd birthday. She's attracted to women half her age and has a Hello Kitty back back - cause she thinks they're cute. She puts on OTT displays of affection with her parner when she is near her family. Because she thinks that she is making a point. They couldn't care less about her sexuality - they are wincing because she is 35lbs overweight and has a head like a bucketful of smashed crabs (she knows all about crabs). I hope she is hit by a Mack truck today!
Fuck - that is almost a pen portrait of the ofice manager!
Sorry - of my office manager
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, your office manager knocked you back did she Lerm???
ReplyDeleteMaybe the KITT bit is a Knight Rider reference?
The senseless prejudice against bestiality drove her to openly display her sexual proclivities, in defiance of the victimisation she suffered in her earlier years. That’s what it is.
ReplyDeleteLerm, I am shocked and astounded. Nah, not really.
ReplyDeleteBut Steve is right, there are some scary women out there. Any by the sounds of it, you have met or know your fair share.
Think of this people, imagine being a five foot tall woman and having one of these charming, um, ladies, put the hard word on you. Not fun.
Thank you for the laugh. I needed it big time.
ReplyDeleteOh.
ReplyDeleteOoooooooh.
Off to change my license plate...
I want to get one that says:
ReplyDeleteWNG CHNG
I think this fucking song has been stuck in my head for almost year now.
Oh Lerm, I was genuinely laughing out loud when I read your theory. Thanks for that!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering why Lerm needed an orfice manager - his or someone elses? Brilliantly realised characterisation though, nice work.
ReplyDeleteI suspect she's just a congenital moron.
Obviously Lerm is psychic!
ReplyDeleteSteve, will you be getting an AMEXLUV license plate?
I would be perfectly fine with having an inappropriate love affair with my corporate Amex card.
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky; I've never known the beauty of such a relationship. All of my credit card relationships can be likened to having sex with someone who has herpes - it feels good while you're doing it, but you'll pay for it the rest of your life.
ReplyDeletehmm.. I need a lic plate that says something to the effect of: likmykttn.
ReplyDeletehahaha
I want one that has kittyluv, but only for my unrelenting allegiance to Hello Kitty.
ReplyDeleteOr is my subconscious telling me something?
haha i love it. kittnluv. not the worst way to come out.
ReplyDelete