Thursday, January 22, 2009

Raising Daughters

This could be a challenge. I'm not sure if the challenge is to maintain a level head, or to avoid killing a teenage boy and going to jail. I have a few years to worry, but it's coming.

Next door to me is a single dad with a 16(ish) boy (and an 11 year old daughter that normally stays with her mom). Kitty-corner to us is a married couple with a daughter, about 15 or 16.

Apparently, the boy next door has been relentlessly pursuing the neighbor girl, and she wants nothing to do with him. Yet he continues to call, or hit on her at the bus stop. Apparently, his pursuit of her hit a crescendo recently, when he called the girl up and told her, "I'm not feeling that well tonight. Want to come over and give me a blowjob?"

When the mother of this girl relayed the story to us, I tried to imagine what I would do if my daughter was the recipient of such a call. Unfortunately, after "Murder," I pretty much came up with a blank.

When my elder daughter, Thing 1, was born, I was told by a co-worker (who also has two daughters): When you have sons, you only have to worry about one dick. When you have daughters, you have to worry about Every. Dick. On. The. Planet.

29 comments:

  1. There is something to be said for cultures with arranged marriages.

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  2. True...I could ensure my daughters marry men that I could kill with my bare hands.

    Then again, such men might not be good providers. Not because they would be weak...but because I would've snapped their necks like chicken bones.

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  3. Well not EVERY dick.
    Some gay men are just like the girls.

    However, might as well be every single one.

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  4. Yeah, that is my one consolation in not having a daughter. I still wish I had one though.

    Meanwhile, my son is on girlfriend #2, and comes home every day with a tale of a NEW girl hitting on him. I told him he better stop or I will cut his hair in his sleep.

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  5. I will laugh if the young man gets a phone call from a girl that says, "I'm not feeling well....can you come over and.....rub my feet?"

    (what did you think she would say? Please, NO girl would ever make THAT request...at least, that never happened to me)

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  6. MK, if they're "out," then we're fine, and they will live.

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  7. Pft.
    I've made a phone call for that request. But it was more so a demand, and it surely had nothing to do with my feet.

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  8. OK Steve, you win the prize for being the first one to make me burst out laughing today with ‘Unfortunately, after “Murder,” I pretty much came up with a blank.’

    You might think that, not having kids, I can’t identify with you, but I can. I reckon all blokes have that jealous/protective instinct when they see an adolescent girl they have any love for being hit on (especially by an adolescent boy). It may be a daughter, a sister, a niece, or simply a friend, but that instinct still emerges.

    I was just watching the film Uncle Buck the other night: in that case it’s his niece and the obnoxious boyfriend she has. The bit where John Candy says about burying the hatchet: “You know what a hatchet is, don’t you?” and produces one from the trunk of his car and waves it cheerfully.

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  9. I feel for you dude. It can't be something to look forward to. & as for the neighbour guy - WTF!!!

    Good luck with the temper control! And keep the ammo in a different drawer to your pistol - that should buy you a little more time.

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  10. Another reason for me to not have children. We all keep you in our prayers, Steve.

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  11. Oh gawd, I am so glad right about now I don't have kids. May the force be with you, Steve.

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  12. Hey Steve. Thanks for dropping into my blog. I had wondered where you had got to.

    I have sons so I can't help. My brother has three daughter, two shotguns and a box of ammo.

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  13. Simon, I'm also an uncle, and my kids have some very protective uncles, so I know what you're talking about. The feeling is still there.

    My favorite quote from Uncle Buck is:
    Bug: Ever hear of a tune up, hehehehe?
    Buck: Ever hear of a ritual killing, hehehe?

    Lerm, unfortunately with my temper, it's a good thing I don't own a firearm. But, I pass the fireplace on the way to the front door, so anyone likely to be assaulted by me stands a good chance of being beaten by an iron poker.

    Indy/Andi, if my stories encourage women everywhere to take birth control seriously, I've done my job.

    Al, thanks for stopping by....and the bad part about a shotgun is the cleanup. They also don't have the range of a rifle, which is unfortunate. I'd prefer the cleanup to be on the neighbor's yard.

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  14. Reading my stuff probably doesn't make you feel very good about having daughters...

    They will give you every grey hair on your head!

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  15. Having daughters that are 17 and 19, I can so relate to that last statement from your co-worker.

    I will ask my girls about what they would have responding if a boy had called with something like that. They have some of the most emasculating responses to stuff like that. Teaching a girl to verbally castrate is a loving thing every parent should do. ;-)

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  16. Liz, I use your blog to determine the warning signs I should be looking out for.

    Lioness, when do you move from verbal to physical castration?

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  17. My dad has a rifle cabinet that he always made sure all of my new dates got a good long glimpse of. He swore me to secrecy that I not tell they were all air rifles (oops.)

    My dad promised me a few weeks ago that if the guy I was about to go out and see made me upset he would break both of his arms. Knowing my dad, I know he meant it. I immediately canceled my plans. I wasn't in the mood to see the idiot of a boy get his arms broken. Besides my dad has a bad back and I can't imagine what that would have done to a bad back.

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  18. Hehehe, ok, I shall amend my entry... I love your comment to Lioness.

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  19. I posed this question to a mate of mine - his daughter is only eight - he said that on her first date, the guy will have to pick her up from home. And he will be at the door in his full ceremonial dress with medals etc and attempt to put the fear of God into him. Seems a sensible suggestion!

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  20. Steve, verbal castration is much more devastating and less messy. You can strike and move on quickly...

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  21. Lermontov, I never served in the armed forces, and my two older brothers were Navy. Handsome, in a Richard Gere-ish way, but not imtimidating (you can land on all the aircraft carriers you want, having a badass job doesn't translate to badass looks).

    What I'm saying is, in the next 4-5 years, can I borrow your mate?

    Lioness, I would just be sure to lay down a lot of plastic first.

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  22. i think you just pretend to be 'bi-curious' and say to any boyfriend who comes through the door that you have to test run them first...

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  23. I bet Steve could pull off bi-curious.

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  24. To be honest, I think DB’s suggestion is the most likely to work. Being very friendly is more likely to win over hostility.

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  25. Steve: my plan is to incorporate my daughter into the same ju-jitsu classes I teach with her brothers, and half the kids around here. Figure that by the time she's old enough to worry, she should be able to do a significant amount of neck-breaking of her own.

    Failing that, I expect her brothers to be very, very helpful.

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  26. Having girls and boys is great, because the girls often learn to rough-house and take care of themselves. The only thing I can do is make sure they play sports and develop a solid sense of self-esteem, so that they don't feel the need to win approval from a boy by giving up her virtue, so to speak.

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