Monday, January 19, 2009


Tonight, while watching the Chicago Blackhawks play the Minnesota Wild (we're talking the National Hockey League, to those who looked at those two team names and stared blankly), and came across the name of one Cal Clutterbuck.

I will not debate this. This is the greatest name in all of sports history. This is better than Anfernee Hardaway, Hakaan Loob, and Misty Hyman put together (note, I'm not including former Major League baseball player Rusty Kuntz, as his name clearly belongs in a separate class).

I will bet anyone any amount of money that his locker room nickname is Clusterfuck. I would be willing to travel to Minneapolis (normally the last place I'd ever want to travel) just to attend a Wild game and, upon seeing him score (which happens rarely), yell out "CAAAAAAL CLUUUUUUUTTERBUUUUUUUUUUCK!" I'm praying that ol' Clusterfuck becomes a 40-goal scorer so that he becomes a household name (as much as a household name that a professional hockey player can become in the United States, of course).

If you think you have a better name (other than those that belong in the Rusty Kuntz class, of course), let's hear them. Especially from you Rugby and Cricket fans.


  1. I'm gonna have to sit this out out, fellas. Not a sports aficionado here, unfortunately.

  2. Dig it! When I was in St. Paul last month, the Wild were in town (for some reason the tree hugging liberal side of town gets the hockey team, and the other side gets the Queens...go figure).

    Looked like a fun time, and I concur, awesome name.

    Better than Vladi Divac and George Mirason "Cabbage, chicks dig it!".

  3. There's always been a laugh and a "what the hell?" with Teemu Selanne as well as Al MacInnis.

    However, I do believe you have found the best name thus far.

  4. I can't think of any to rival Clutterbuck off the top of my head - however, it is too early to concede. I'll put my best brain cells on it

  5. Andrei Arshavin, on the point of being signed up by the English team Arsenal, whose current manager is Arsene Wenger, is somewhat unfortunately named.

    This line from the article linked to above takes some beating too:

    Manager Arsene Wenger, who has remained evasive on the subject of Arshavin, has acknowledged progress in Arsenal's search.

    There are altogether too many arses in that sentence, never mind the amusement the journalist must have derived from writing of Arsene’s remaining evasive on the subject of Arshavin.

  6. *blank stare*

    Just kiddin'. I knew you were talking about hockey, because the only other pro sport I ever hear you mention is football (ok, occasionally soccer) - and those aren't NFL teams ;)

    What a perfect name for a hockey player.

  7. Simon, I am good friends with a Tottenham fan who would read your comment, nod knowingly, and say, "yup, that's Arsenal, a bunch of arses."

    And he's an American.

    MK, Teemu is Finnish, they all have screwed up names there. Esa Tikkanen (sp?) is a bit better though, and his interviews are funny because they can be understood by neither North Americans nor Finns.

    Lerm, now's the time to make fun of the Indian Cricket team, come on, we're counting on you!

    Kona, hockey is a game played by gentlemen to a code of honor, so of course the rich liberals can identify with it.

  8. God Shamgod has always been my favorite.

  9. God Shammgod ended up playing professional basketball player in China, Poland, and Saudi Arabia.

    And no, I'm not making this up.

  10. There was a South African bowler called Pat Symcox - in a SA accent the Sym sounds very much like some.

  11. Jack Badcock played test cricket for Aus

  12. Aussies and South Africans really love their cocks.

  13. Hehehe, I've always had a chuckle over Miroslav Satan. There are some great names out there, I just can't recall them at the mo.

  14. The biggest tragedy about the NHL is that Miroslav Satan didn't end up on the Devils.

    Seriously, that would be perfect.