The dishwasher in the breakroom is running right now, and it's making a noise of a volume and rhythm that I haven't heard since college. Two dishes are in it (because our ops manager constantly uses the breakroom oven to make her sloshy lasagna, and someone's birthday was yesterday, so there are forks and plates in there), and these dishes are clanking together, in a RRR-CLANK-RRR-CLANK-RRR-CLANK-RRR-CLANK rhythmic sound.
It can best be described as what it would likely sound like if two people were having sex for half an hour on top of an airplane drink cart.
The reason it took me back to college was because all of the bedrooms in the fraternity house in which I lived had metal bunk beds (which we called "racks,") and it was very obvious when two people were engaging in marathon-style sex (usually because both were too drunk to be able to finish the drill), because you'd hear the creaking of metal on metal as the top bunk swayed from the motion.
The rooms were also a cinder-block design, and if the bed was close enough to the wall, not only would the bed sway and creak, but it would also clang into the wall, thus making a RRR-CLANK-RRR-CLANK sound. This was even more likely to happen if the couple doing the nasty was on the top bunk, causing it to sway even more. This was the soundtrack to my sophomore year, as the guy living in the next room over would bring his girlfriend to the house, close the door, and the sounds of .38 Special would waft through the walls, followed by RRR-CLANK-RRR-CLANK. Why he always picked .38 Special as his sex music, I'll never know. He never listened to it any other time, so when we heard it, we knew that Scott was gettin' some.
So that was my morning, an odd sound taking me back to my college days of hearing people having sex.
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Damn, I missed out. I went to a Christian college, so pretty much all the sex to be had was going on in cars.
ReplyDeleteOr summer camps where they were interning.
Please tell me it was "Rockin' Into the Night"!
ReplyDeleteAs a mother, I may have forgotten how to make noise during sex.
ReplyDeleteSteve, honestly, you should be writing a column. & I hope that there is some RRR-CLANKing at your house tonight!
ReplyDeleteYeah, Luna, I'm sure the only "clank" that went on in Christian college sex was when a girl's head collided with the steering wheel.
ReplyDeleteKona, he had it on CD, so all I can remember is "Hold On Loosely" coming on eventually.
MM, it's called "Ninja Sex." I know it well.
Lerm, I'm sure there will be....once I turn on the dishwasher.
Awww, poor Steve.
ReplyDeleteYou mean those frat houses in the movies are real? I thought they were a hollywood invention!
ReplyDeleteDid you ever pull a prank on the Dean?
Toga party? Drink beer from a keg in those red paper cups? Have some kind of pagan homosexual orgy in the stone basement of the frat house?
ReplyDeleteWas Revenge of the Nerds actually a documentary?
ReplyDeleteSteve, pardon the intrusion, but I have found a blog that you simply must read.
ReplyDeletehttp://dryobbo.blogspot.com/ - the most recent entry is right up your alley!
Tony, fraternities and sororities are very much real. I've had beer from the keg, but always in red plastic cups. They had to be red, in case University officials came by and inspected the party, the cups had to be opaque.
ReplyDeleteNo toga parties, but the Halloween parties were a lot of fun.
As for pranks, never on the dean, but I did spend an evening trying to hit golf balls into the front yard of the neighboring fraternity house...of course, I happened to do this with a police officer watching me the entire time. Handcuffalarity ensued.
Had a flatmate (actually a couple, but she wasn't on the lease, more of a permanent sleepover deal) who insisted on playing U2's 'One' on repeat at bowel-shaking volume whenever they were making the beast with two backs. To this day I get hideous flashbacks whenever I hear that song. Skin crawling and everything. She was a nasty piece of work. And it's not exactly a love song is it now? I'd have been happier had she got him to play Nine Inch Nails' song 'Closer'. Probably more accurate indication of the relationship, with her in the dominant role.
ReplyDeleteThen there was the girl who flatted with a mate of mine in Lismore (regional uni town in NSW) who used to turn up Deep Forest or Enigma (ambient instrumental crap) full-bore when, um, indulging in self-love. I think he got PTSD as well.
Did the handcuffilarity involve a particularly hot female officer and novelty cuffs - or the other sort? Hope it was the former!
ReplyDeleteI want to know how Dr Yob's mate knew when his flatmate was indulging in self-love.
ReplyDeleteAbe-ditto.
ReplyDeleteDr--I'm familiar with Enigma. Their one hit here in the US is hardly a good song for masturbation. The rhythm is just...wrong.
And as far as One is concerned, no, it's not a real love song, and the video was a metaphor for how AIDS patients are treated.
Lerm, no such luck, it was Johnny Law himself, and he was none too happy with the fact that I was hitting golf balls. Fortunately, he handcuffed my friend, not me.
Let me repeat that...I hit the golf balls, my friend got cuffed.
Abe - hopefully Dr Y's mate was a decent human being and had a hidden webcam in her room. May those old fashioned values never die!
ReplyDeleteWe must have posted simultaneously - I'm going to turn the dishwasher on.
ReplyDeleteLegendary work re your mate and the golf. I hope that you bring it up continually and celebrate the anniversary!
Lerm - you would not have wanted to see that. Trust me. Not even out of morbid car-crash curiosity.
ReplyDeletelermontov.. you and i need to hit it.. seriously.
ReplyDelete