Friday, September 3, 2010

Overheard at a Soccer Tournament

2 weeks ago, I took the U12 girls team which I coach to a tournament. The temperatures were in the mid-high 90's, my girls played ferociously (most of them hadn't practiced together until that very week), and we finished with a 1-1-1 record. Unfortunately, in our 4-team bracket, we were 3rd place. The 2nd place team (who walked away with 2nd place trophies) was also 1-1-1 (we tied them), but their win was by a higher score.

But what will make that weekend memorable for me were some of the things which I heard (or overheard) throughout the weekend:

1. "Dad, we were at the playground and we saw a guy carrying a gun," my daughter said to me. "What? Are you sure it was a gun? Any chance it was a cop?" I asked her. "No, he was dressed normal," she replied. At that point, one of my player's dad, who was standing nearby, said (in all seriousness), "Oh, you don't have to be a copy to carry, you can get a carry permit. I have one." Thus my biggest concern was not that my daughter thought she saw a guy carrying on a playground at a sports complex, but the dad of one of my players was defending it.

2. "Can you score on a corner kick?" Player 1 (on one team) asked Player 2 (who was on the other team). "Sure, haven't you ever seen Bend it like Beckham?" replied Player 2. What made this conversation amusing was that it was held between two opposing players (who were both Select players, not Rec) while on the field. It turned into a movie discussion group. And considering this was a Select game, you'd think the one girl would know that it was possible to score on a corner. Also, it's been a couple years since I've seen the movie, but the famous scenes in it involved penalty kicks, not corners, I thought.

3. "Dad, ball me!" This was said by a kid to his dad. The kid needed a ball with which to warm up. Dad had all the balls. So the boy asked his dad to perform a vital task at that moment: to ball him. Of course, channeling Beavis and Butthead the way I do, I had to hold in a laugh until I was ten feet away. And this reminds me, I need to teach my girls the meaning of the phrase "Dad, little help," as the always appropriate way to ask someone to kick a ball back to you.


  1. We had the 14U girls fastpitch softball championships here a few weeks back, and we heard a lot of the same types of comments.

    The kids could play a bit. Not a bad event to watch.

    A bit dismayed to hear one team's coach tell a player after she missed a grounder 'How could you be SO STUPID?'. Same coach was riding an umpire pretty hard after he missed a call.

    I was thinking 'Hey, Lasorda. It ain't the World Series. Shut the fuck up and deal with the situation.' Wouldn't have bothered me but a) I also saw a lot of class acts managing their teams and b) you don't need to call out a young kid in front of everybody. That's what the dugout is for.

    I bet that coach is a royal asshat to deal with and play for. One suspects y'all do better than that.

    Not too germane or relevant to your post, I guess. But do you have to deal with parents that think their kids are going to be the next Pele and should be playing more?

  2. Oops. Should be "...going to be the next Mia Hamm", and not Pele.

  3. "Balls of Fury" - More "ball" double entendres then I never knew existed!

    Btw, There are 30 NEW episodes of "Beavis and Butthead" in production right now. Wondering what videos they will make fun of since there aren't hardly ANY these days. That was always my fav part of the show.

  4. I dunno man.

    I think it would be hilarious to hear Thing 1 or 2 say, "Ball me."