Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Australian Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder

As anyone who's ever read more than 2 or 3 entries here knows, I can sometimes be a tad obsessed with vanity plates. This is primarily because I am an avid people watcher, and while seeing a person in the mall can often reveal nothing about their character, seeing their vanity plate reveals so much more. You might find that the driver has a keen sense of humor, or the driver lacks any creativity or originality, while others reveal the driver to be a flaming douchenozzle. And still others make you think, "I want to meet this driver just so I can find out why they chose this particular plate."

Such was the case on my way home from work on Wednesday night, and I was following this vehicle:

The question is not, "what kind of person is this," but rather, "WTF is an Oz Bra?" Is it a brassiere worn by an Australian woman? Is it a response to a question in Hawaii? "Where you want to surf next, bra?" "Oz, bra!"

Or perhaps it is a brassiere specially designed for Australia and all of its deadly flora and fauna. Imagine a bra that can repel green ants and redback spiders. Or a bra that creates a forcefield around the wearer that makes one impervious to the bites from taipans or death adders. Or a bra that drives box jellyfish from the shore, or can't be punctured by the teeth of a crocodile.

Maybe it's a specialty line of bras from Elle "The Body" MacPherson that hides aging lines. Or maybe something Phil Mickelson wears when he plays in the Australian golf open. Maybe an Oz Bra is what helped Nicole Kidman pretend to love Tom Cruise for several years.

As you can see, many a question has been generated by something so simple as a 5 letter vanity plate. He undoubtedly has people scratching their heads all the time. I personally would get a vanity plate, but I would crack under the pressure of trying to find something that would not make someone think I was an incredible feminine hygiene product.


  1. Phil Mickelson's moob bra would need to be reinforced with girders off the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

  2. I'm thinkin' Wizard of Oz.

    "We represent the Lollipop tits, the Lollipop tits..."

  3. Wasn't the Oz Bra something the late Billy Mays used to hawk on late-night TV?

  4. Dr Yobbo, and don't forget, the finest Roeblings wire rope from the Golden Gate bridge.

    Heidi, Lollipop Tits might be an interesting challenge to Rule 34.

    YD, believe it or not, I was actually thinking of Billy Mays before writing this.

  5. *applause* Well written :)

    I love the idea of a bra that is for protection, rather than an invitation. Ok, maybe just for a little while.

    Wonder if Billy Mays was really killed by his love of cross dressing when the Oz Bra's underwire was secretly poisoned by the Shamwow guy.

  6. No, no, no. It's a reference to a lesser known bird of prey, the Osbra (as opposed to the Osprey.) Best known for attacking melons, canteloupes and other humorously shaped cucurbitaceae, the Osbra is a slow-witted, stodgy bird with dull and bedraggled plumage. Often found hanging around Brazilian beaches, conventions of bald men, and any other area where round, smooth objects prevail, the Osbra is today on the endangered species list due to its tendency to attack lightbulbs at night.

    Obviously, this chap is attempting to raise awareness of the Osbra's plight. We should laud him for his environmentally conscious efforts...

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