Tuesday, October 20, 2009

"I Call"

Kids love playing the game of “I call.”

“I call getting to lick the beater!”
“I call shotgun!”
“I call sitting next to (insert friend or preferred parent’s name here)”!
“I call getting the next game of Pac-Man/Guitar Hero/Space Invaders!”
“I call lighting the next bottle rocket!”

At least, these were the things that were called in my house growing up (aside from Guitar hero).

My two daughters, Thing 1 and Thing 2, have not been happy with their assigned seating at the dinner table lately. Well, Thing 2 has not been happy. From her seat, Thing 1 can see the TV in the living room, whereas Thing 2 can’t. Occasionally, we’ll let Thing 2 pick a different seat. Lately, we make it easier by shutting the TV off during dinner (which is tough, that’s when iCarly is on). Regardless, I’m on the verge of simply letting Thing 2 take my seat, which would not only allow Thing 2 to see the TV if she turned around, but block Thing 1 from seeing it (assuming we allowed the TV to be on).

Needless to say, this created conflict too. Both of them now want to sit in my normal seat. I’m convinced they keep changing their minds simply out of spite. Neither one of them is happy unless the other one is unhappy. Since Thing 1 is 10-1/2 and Thing 2 is 4-1/2, it makes for interesting conversations. For example, the latest:

Thing 1: I call Dad’s seat tomorrow!
Thing 2: Oh yeah? I call that tomorrow, I get to hit you…..really badly…..in the face!

As you can see, Thing 2 wastes no time, at a tender age, in employing the Nuclear Option in all negotiations. I’d sure as hell hate to see how she handles the argument over licking the beater.


  1. Kill the box during mealtimes, I suspect it's the only way. As for the beater, hardwire it so the mixer's permanently on, thus making it a lot less of an attractive option.

    See we didn't even bother with the 'I call', just went straight for Communication by Violence.

  2. I bet nobody will ever want to lick the beater again after Thing 2 is done "calling."

  3. Kinda with the Doc-Shut the TV off. They may be Things #1 and #2, but you're Thing-In-Command!

    I don't suppose you got to the Bears/Falcons game? Ouch. Da Bears kind of dribbled that one away, though the Falcons look pretty good.

  4. Thing 2 sounds like she'd make a helluva UFC fighter at some point. Foster that.

  5. Not to worry gents, the TV is no longer an issue. The kids were good about it for a while (we used to leave it on the evening news, like my parents always did), but once the kids realized iCarly was on at the same time, it became a problem, so now it's off.

    As for the beater, I never had a problem with my brothers taking the beaters....I asked for the bowl. There was always much more left behind there, and easier to get it.

    YD, believe it or not, it was sold out (the Falcons only sell out games when they have a winning record). I watched some of it on TV. I was kind of hoping they would kick Orlando Pace off the team plane back to Chicago. From 35,000 feet. For the money he's paid, the least he can do is STAND FUCKING STILL AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE BEFORE THE GD SNAP!!!

    I tell you what, I loved that pass that Cutler made that got them to the 6 yard line. He should throw a bullet like that again....right into Pace's balls.

  6. That was pretty inexcusable. I was not very happy.

  7. What's in your yard this Halloween?

  8. PT, going with the traditional guillotine and stocks. We've been so busy, I haven't had the time or energy to come up with anything new, but I think next year I might go for a rack. If I can find a cheap mannequin someplace, it would be perfect.