Monday, September 14, 2009

Everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school!

I pulled out of my driveway today and went to the end of the street, where I made my usual right turn. As I approached this intersection, I could see the high school-aged boy that lives next door to me (the younger brother of the tramp that likes to throw loud parties). He was sitting in the front yard of the house, presumably waiting for the school bus (I didn't realize that's where the high school bus stop is, I'm usually on my way to work a little earlier).

He was on the side street, his back to me, and as I approached, I could see that his hand was up to his mouth, and a puff of smoke had plumed away from his mouth. As it is still September, I knew it wasn't his cold breath, so I knew right away David was puffing away on a cigarette.

As I came to the stop sign and turned (yes, it was a rolling turn), I saw his arm drop. When he recognized me, he waved, and I returned the wave. I could see that neither hand held a cigarette. So, once I passed him, I looked in my rearview mirror. Sure enough, David reached between his legs, and I saw him pick a cigarette off the ground and continue smoking.

It's been 20 years since I began my senior year in high school, but I can see not much has changed. Many teenagers still smoke, and many of them are still sneaking it. And, amazingly, they think they get away with it. This alone makes it funny. And it's even funnier if young David thinks he can get away with it at home. His dad is not a smoker (which means he has a sense of smell), so chances are his dad knows exactly what David is doing at the bus stop.

And if not, I wonder if I can parlay this fact into a chance for some free lawn care in return for my silence?

Naturally, I'm interested in hearing your smoking stories, and if you got caught. I never smoked in high school, but I did try it 3 or 4 times in college (alcohol was involved, and even while drunk I knew I did not enjoy it).


  1. Never smoked. Something about the general concept of setting fire to something and breathing in the fumes seemed dissonant and contra-indicative.

    But TOTALLY blackmail that kid into cutting your lawn.

  2. Great now I have 'Smokin' in the Boys Room' as my Persistent Earworm Of The Morning. I don't thank you for that.

  3. It never interested me either, except for a couple of times when I was drunk. And smoking was not the only stupid thing I did whilst drunk.

  4. I only smoked one cigarette, when I was about ten. It was enough to make me wonder why people paid money to do it, and I never felt inclined to follow peer-pressure and take it up in my teens.

    You don’t have to actually blackmail him. Just give him knowing looks, or put your fingers to your lips in a gesture like smoking a cigarette, and wink at him. Just enough to make him nervous, and extra-polite too you.

  5. I smoked like a chimney for many years and until just over a year ago actually. In high school we'd sneak smokes in the bathroom. One day a teacher walked in, I freaked and flicked my smoke up and behind me where it apparently went into the ventilation fan. While the teacher was talking to us she noticed smoke coming out of the wall. Fire alarms. Fire trucks. Hours sitting on the field. I was a hero.

  6. It was total afterschool special for me, girls bathroom "c'mon Heidi,just take a puff". Weak.

    I used to be totally strung out on the NIC but now I'll only bum one socially if I'm having a drink. It's disgusting, makes my face break out and generally leaves me feeling like shit.

    Who doesn't love that?

    We had a patient the other day who chose to pay the $180.00 cancellation fee for a stress test because he couldn't make it 24 hours without a cig. Pitiful.

  7. Lou, that's exactly the kind of story I was hoping for, well done!

    Heidi, that sounds as much fun as when I used to wake up in the morning with a headache and the sun hurting my skin after a night of drinking. And let's face it, he probably would've collapsed during the test anyway.

    Anyone else here pick up a can of beer at a party, believing it was yours, only to discover someone else claimed it by putting a cigarette butt in it? Or was that just me? (Lesson learned, do NOT put your beer down at a party until you know for certain it is empty)

  8. I did not ever smoke a cigarette. I always knew I did not want to be a smoker, so I figured there was no point to even trying it.

    Now what I did do was "dip" for a few weeks in college. It was so glamorous walking around with a wad of brown stuff stuck in my lip and a cup filled with spit.