Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Brotherly Dares

The following is a text-message exchange between my younger brother, E, and I. E lives in New York City, so he often witnesses strange and unusual things. Like Ron Howard, for example (he saw him once and texted me about it....I asked him to ask Ron if he's ever going to produce Willow 2).

E: We saw a cat on a leash today, eating grapes. Beat that.

Me: My cat eats lettuce.

E: Put her on a leash, put a bonnet on her, put her in a baby carriage. THEN we'll be impressed. Until then...YAWN!

Me: You never said bonnet and baby carriage, just a leash.

E: I'm saying either/or. This particular cat was on a LEASH.

Me: I can swing the bonnet and baby carriage. Consider it done.

E: Do it, and if you can get a picture without you bleeding, I'll give you a dollar.

Me: I'll get Thing 1 (my 10 year old daughter) right on it.

E: OK, amendment.....NOBODY can bleed.

Me: You're a weasel.

E: You were almost a bad father.

Me: Touche.

I then realized, I don't believe we have a bonnet in the house. Lots of headwear (hats and such) for baby dolls, but no actual bonnets. So I actually had to sit on the phone with E and negotiate a "headwear item of equal or greater degree of difficulty when putting on a cat" in order to get the dollar, which he agreed to. So, this week, in between soccer practice and demolishing the master bathroom (we're renovating), I will be attempting something completely foolish with the cat. Stay tuned over the next week for photos.


  1. This is HOT! Cannot wait for the pic!

    I'm an EMT remember, so if you needing help with the bleeding.. you know where to find me.. might wanna get a tetanus shot..

  2. I am almost positive my sister has done this.

    And possibly in the last ten years

    And I highly doubt anyone offered her a dollar...

  3. Snow, tetanus shots are for sissies.

    With that said, it's been a while since my last one. I need to noodle on that one.

    Claire, doing it for a dollar really is no less mentally ill than doing it 'just because'.

  4. My sister may appear a normal functioning adult, but inside, she'd been the crazy cat lady since she was four.

  5. You don't have a bonnet in the house?

  6. No one has mentioned the presumed difficulty of getting a cat to eat grapes. I've never seen that.

  7. Just to get this straight - your Grandfather was a Doctor of Chemistry, your Father was a distinguished academic and you & E are the result!

    Nonetheless, I look forward to the photos.

  8. I guess this doesn’t count, but regarding the leash thing, when we looked after my sister’s cat while she was on holiday we had to tie a length of string to its collar to make sure it didn’t run off when it was out in our garden.

    We didn’t get it to wear a hat though, I have to admit.

  9. Every cat deserves that, if you ask me.

  10. And so the brotherly love continues, and the cat's sense of humour a more distant memory. Can't wait for the photos.

  11. On Saturdays I put an Elvis jumpsuit on my wife's Yorkie. Notice I did not say, "our Yorkie".

  12. This is for a US dollar, right?

    "Dollar" isn't code for "ounce of coke" or "blowjob from a hooker" is it?

  13. Abe, you would be correct, one US dollar.

    Neither of us would know how to go about getting either an ounce of coke or a BJ from a hooker.

    MM, my cat eats lettuce, so it stands to reason some cats will eat unusual things. I used to have a cat that ate spaghetti and McDonald's french fries.

    Kona, you seem more like a Dachshund kind of guy.

    DD, the cat's sensibilities are really a secondary issue, this is about earning a buck.

    Simon, the cats almost always come back, the leash was unnecessary.

    Luna....get help. Seriously. Were you molested by a member of the cast of "Cats"?

    Lermontov, each generation truly does get watered down. Just look at how good of a soldier your grandfather was (assuming he was in the service).

    Mary, that was probably more out of necessity, wasn't it?

    JJ, my daughters' dolls aren't really the bonnet types.

  14. As it happens, both of my grandfathers were in the Army (my maternal GF can't have been that good as he was killed by the Japs - I may take after him!). I like to think that it simply skipped a generation - particularly so in your case i.e. actually having kids. I still have hopes for the pair of Things.

    Hurry up with the photos!

  15. We have just adopted a new cat and today we put a collar on it ...bad move, we made it to lose and the cat struggling to get it off got it stuck in his mouth and stupid (being me) then had to get cat and get it off. All I can say is ouch and I wish you luck!

  16. Mr-Stu, cats are surprising strong/vicious/sociopathic when they don't want to do something. Case in point...ever tried to bathe a cat?

    Lerm, seeing as how you won the Royal Order of the First to Flee, I should think that you and your maternal GF have very little in common (hey, someone has to survive the war and "comfort" the widows, right?)