I was in Publix (a large grocery store chain) on Sunday. Needless to say, it was like the grand hall at Ellis Island, packed full of people (many from different nationalities) all due to it being Super Bowl Sunday. I was walking towards the produce aisle, when I passed one of those large endcap displays in the front of the store. Leaning against it was a Latino gentleman who happened to have a very menacing look on his face. The kind of look that would make a lot of white grandmothers cross to the other side of the street. He could've been one of the gang extras in "Stand & Deliver".
(Note, I am not suggesting his Latino background makes him evil, he just had a real pissed-off look on his face....he might've been a very nice guy. I play soccer with a Guatemalan who is the nicest guy on earth, and a devout Christian, but when he frowns his natural facial features make him look VERY angry)
OK, my "I'm not a racist" disclaimer aside.....upon walking past him, I noticed his shirt. It was a plain white t-shirt that was airbrushed. The kind of airbrushing that you normally get in places like Gatlinburg Tennessee, Panama City Beach Florida, Myrtle Beach South Carolina, or on many of the boardwalks on the Jersey Shore. The airbrushing was pink, with lots of pink hearts all over, with one huge heart, and inside this heart was the message, "Monica and Jesus Forever."
My first reaction was to stifle the laugh that immediately rose from my belly. Seeing as how I was looking right at him when I saw the shirt and wanted to laugh, that would not have been very diplomatic.
It then occurred to me that this may be why he had a pissed-off look. Monica was in the ladies room, and Jesus (pronounced Hay-ZOOSS for those non-Spanish speakers) was on "purse patrol" while she was away. And Jesus was none too happy.
And then another thought occurred to me...maybe Jesus fucked up. BIG TIME. Maybe Jesus was seen getting a little too flirty with Monica's best friend/sister/arch-enemy, and this is his penance. This may be what he's having to do to earn Monica's forgiveness. She went out and bought the Monica And Jesus Forever shirt, and made him stand right in front of the Diet Coke display, at the front of the Publix, on Super Bowl Sunday, the busiest grocery store day of the year outside of Thanksgiving, to suffer the opprobrium, the scorn and contempt, of the general public, for his misdeeds against Monica. This could be why Jesus is pissed off. That he is in love, forever apparently, with an evil genius.